Weirdo's... or is it just me?

OK... So I'm in the grocery store... just ran in to pick up a couple things... Diapers being one of them, so I head straight for the diaper aisle, and I grab them, head to the next aisle, and I'm perusing the baby tylenol/benadryl section, and then it happens...

This guy walks in front of me while I'm looking for what I need, I'm not really paying attention, and through my peripheral I see him stop just past me, back up toward me, and proceeds to start a conversation with me. "Hi, I'm Alex" he says... Um... I'm a little dumbfounded, and I probably gave him the blankest stare while I processed what was going on, and then simply replied "hi". He then stands there staring at me, looking me up and down, and then says "Wow... you're beautiful"... at this point I'm staring back at the medicine section, not really paying him any mind, which you would think, might be a hint that I'm not really interested... but NO. (Mind you, I am wearing sweats and a tank with a hoodie, and pretty much feel ridiculous, and if I didn't need diapers I wouldn't have left the house.) Then he basically repeats his last statement, and then asks me if I have a baby... Wait - What? I'm holding a box of diapers, I'm clearly looking at that BABY tylenol, and he just asked me that? OK... so I suppose its possible that I could be buying it for someone else, but probable, I think not?

At this point, I entertained him slightly, chuckled, and said "um, yeah". Also, judging by the short, blunt responses I was giving, you'd think he might take the hint... but he didn't, again! Tried asking me how old my baby was, if he/she was sick... and I finally just came out with the "do you have a man" question... UM... "Yes, yes I do!" I mean, I don't like to be mean, and I don't want to be a Bitch... but Dude - I'm not intersted!

To my point, I just don't get what entices guys to stop girls in the middle of stores (its not the first time), in front of gas stations, convenient stores, etc. and try to "pick them up"? I suppose that it was a compliment, sorta, but really a store... and it wasn't really a good attempt, and honestly, i don't get what the draw was, I was a mess! Maybe he's the kind of guy that likes a slob? LOL... or maybe he just looked past all that and saw the amazingly awesome chic that I am (kidding, of course). But honestly, Do I really look like the type of girl that will go home with you from a 7-11 parking lot, or one better, not even leave the parking lot? Do I seem so shallow as to give you a once over and say "hay baby.. you're cute, lets go!"... I really just don't get it. I guess it could be just me that's the "wierdo", maybe girls really do respond to this kind of thing, maybe I'm just more of a traditionalist. I guess it also really comes down that I don't take compliments well, I don't really like being hit-on, and I don't even think about taking someone in a grocery store seriously, unless its an employee telling me where to find the bread or peanut butter, and even then, I'm skeptical.

I don't know. Maybe I am wierd... but I'm fine with that! It's just me!

How's this for a Random Rant! Enjoy! :)

Raw and Real

Emotions are the essence of humanity, the raw truths that exist within our souls. Emotions allow us to feel the pure fire that exists within us. The denial of our true emotions creates fear within us, and this fear is what ultimately causes pain.

When our emotions are experienced so many things can happen within us, sometimes we experience something as simple as a smile, a tear, a butterfly in our stomach or a flutter in our heartbeat. Sometimes we experience something we simply can’t describe, a total overhaul of our psyche. Experiencing this proves us human, as much as we may want to deny these feelings, often, the feelings won’t let us. As vulnerable as it makes us, as open as it is, it is the ultimate, undeniable truth that exists within our souls.

What causes these feelings, what stems them, how do they start, and why are they so uncontrollable? Sometimes we have a need to control the emotions that we are feeling, whether we want to or not, sometimes it is absolutely necessary. What makes it so hard to control? When all logical and conscious thoughts inside of you are telling you that what you’re feeling is not right, but every sub-conscious part of our being is urging you to give into those feelings as if there was no other worry in the world. What then? What choice do we make? Is there a right choice? If we give into one, we are denying the other. If we give into our feelings and the logical side of us was right; we feel the pain and regret of our decision. If we attempt to think logically and bury the truest of our raw emotions deep within our soul, we may never be capable of rousing these emotions again. At what point do we decide, at what point does it become ok to believe that our feelings are true?

Well, either I’m crazy, or I’m just rambling on with this rant! I guess I can be a little random sometimes!

:)

Becoming Vulnerable...

I had a conversation with a friend yesterday and it got me thinking... we were discussing relationships and dating among other things and alot of the things made pretty good sense to me. Im not sure if its applicable to everyone, but I know it is quite applicable to me.

In his words I'm pretty "cold, hard, and locked down", he was referencing my ability to open up to people and let myself have feelings. Well, not really let myself have feelings, more like let myself experience my feelings, and let others experience me having said feelings. Basically, I am the kind of person that keeps people at a distance, I don't exactly know why I do this, probably due to the fear of being hurt. I suppose I think that if I don't let "them" to close, and I don't let my guard down, I won't get hurt. I don't see myself as capable to jump into anything, as I put alot of thought into it, weigh the pros and cons, and I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing. Really, I think that is a smart way to go into anything. But I digress...

In talking about this, he brought up some good points.
a. If I don't let them close enough to hurt me, they can't get close enough to love me.
b. If they do end up hurting me, atleast I know that I am capable of having the feelings, and if it happened once, it is bound to be able to happen again.
c. If I don't open up, and allow someone in, and things end poorly, I'll always have the regret and the "what-if" thoughts; such as "what if I had let them in, maybe things wouldn't have ended this way".

All of this stemmed from a conversation about feelings... I have never been one to discuss my feelings, atleast for the last 14 years, and particularly since my divorce. To me, talking about my feelings opens doors, tears down walls, and creates vulnerability. I don't like to consider myself vulnerable, but I suppose I'm going to have to let myself be some day; atleast if I ever want to experience true and raw emotion again.

I suppose being vulnerable isn't all that bad, its more of a concern to me to be vulnerable with the right people. I obviously wouldn't be vulnerable with every Joe Blow that I meet, that would just make me look like a nutjob and/or and emotional train wreck. But allowing myself to be vulnerable and open with those whom I want to have as a permanent fixture in my life. Honestly, I don't even open up to my own family... My mom, who is one of the closest people to me, doesn't even know the depths of the emotions (or lack there of) that I feel. I'm usually pretty good at "showing" emotions such as empathy, sympathy, happiness, fear, etc. But not sure if I really feel them. Although lately, I have been questioning my emotionless existence. I have felt several emotions that I feel that I can't begin to even describe. Emotions that feel so good, that I have such a hard time hiding them, emotions that I don't think I've ever experienced before. Not that I don't like them, just that they are pretty new to me, and I'm still trying to figure out how to accept them as true... How to believe that they are real, and how to share them.

Happiness...

I sit here laying out the short and long term goals that I have for myself, as I do occasionally; and as always one of the things on my list is always "find happiness"... or something to that effect... but really, can happiness be found, or gained, or discovered? Isn't it just something that we either are or we aren't? Isn't happiness a choice?
I think so!

Am I happy? This is a question I learned to ask myself many years ago, when I was indeed NOT happy. There are very few things in life we can control, but our own happiness is one of them. Whether we choose to believe it or not, our happiness is 100% within our control. Now, to me, this doesn't mean that we are going to be happy all the time, just that we can control whether or not we are going to allow a situation to make us happy or not.

If you are in a situation in which you are not happy, change it. The short term consequences may vary and may not be exactly what you want, but if your choice is to be happy, then you need to change the situation you are currently in to allow yourself the potential to one day be happy and enjoy life. After all, we are only given one chance to live each day, shouldn't we live it the best way possible?

I think, all in all, I am pretty happy, there are situations from day to day that I deal with that aren't "ideal", but they work themselves out in the end, and inevitably I choose to be happy in the long run. In all that I do, and all decisions that I make, I question, is this going to make me happy? Why deal with even a few moments of unhappiness, life is too short, and there are so many other things that have the potential to make you happy. Now... don't misunderstand... that doesn't mean that I don't take risks, just that i analyze the situations I am placing myself in, and question the long term consequences.

I never understood how people can go through life completely unhappy, miserable even; That is until I started questioning my own happiness. How can I be happy if I'm not making myself happy. No one is going to do it for me, how can they? One has to be happy with oneself before we can be happy with anyone else. I hear it day in and day out, I just can't find someone to make me happy... it's not because there not looking, its because they aren't happy to begin with! Of course, there is likely someone out there who will WANT to make you happy, but it isn't possible unless your willing to be happy, and that is something that you have to do on your own.

I feel that often times people confuse happiness for other things. You don't have to be smiling to be happy, right? I mean, you don't have to be crying to be sad... You don't have to be screaming to be angry, these are all emotional reactions to our feelings. If you want someone else to make you "happy"... it probably isn't going to happen... Now, if you want someone to make you smile, make you laugh, make you giggle, make you excited.... and those things MAKE you happy, then you have better chances. But, you have to already be in a happy state to have those emotions or emotional reactions.

Well, i could be completely off base, or just thinking uninhibitedly, but those are my thoughts, just another one of my Random Rants... enjoy!

Just human nature!

What is it about human nature that makes us want something we can't have? Lets use a gorgeous $5000 Dulce & Gabana bag sitting in the store front window as our "coveted object". Why do we do this... Is it, as they say, the thrill of the hunt... the excitement, or adrenaline rush you get when you do something you probably shouldn't be doing? You have the credit to purchase this bag, but know that really, realistically speaking its not within our grasp. So we walk by the store front window everyday, covetting it, thinking about it, how amazing it would be if it was on your arm, how great it would make you feel! We give this object so much power over us, we seem to lose sight of what it actually is... not yours!

Thinking practically... is there any benefit to this kind of behavior? I mean, in the long run, you will most likely end up with out it? That "handbag" will still be sitting in the store window, and lets say you do purchase it, you will likely have that overwhelming guilt building up everytime you see the credit card bill (that you likely can't pay), which will cause you to either never use the bag for fear of ruining it in which case, what was the point of actually getting it, when you're original intention was to enjoy it, covett it, and flaunt it - knowing that everyone who sees it hanging on your arm will covett it as much as you! Or you'll have to take it back, which will likely cause a slight period of grief, as if we were attending the funeral of a friend of a friend. You know, your sad, but only because you only got to experience a little bit of the satisfaction, and never got the fulfillment of calling it yours.

Not having lots of experience in this field... i don't really know what happens if you obtain your coveted object, but i can imagine that either, one usually just doesn't obtain it, or, you obtain it and it isn't all that it is cracked up to be. Maybe we set ourselves up for failure in this aspect; we give the object so much hype, or power over us, that we really lose sight of what it actually is. and if/or when it may actually be within our grasp we don't even want it as much anymore because the hunt/chase for it is over?

OR maybe...
Perhaps it is all its cracked up to be, and we do obtain it, what next? Are we satisfied... are we going to die happy knowing that we finally have this object of our affection? Will it make us as happy as we had hoped... will we look as marvelous as we hoped with it hanging on our arm, will it be the end all... be all of what we currently are? Who knows... maybe thats whats what we truly like, is the uncertainty and vulnerability of the entire scenario?

Well, thats enough of this random rant... what do you think?

Questionable Market Research!

Ok, so today, i am a little upset...actually for the past week or so! I recently saw the new Dodge Challenger driving down the Parkway and nearly ran myself off the road at the sight and absolute awe of it! "Wow, that is one gorgeous car!" I thought to myself. With it's sexy, bulky yet sleek styling reminiscent of when MoPar was king! I immediately looked it up online, looked at the different versions, and the future concepts planned for it! Hoping that there would soon, if not already, be a convertible Challenger, I found a couple blurbs that spoke of a convertible version that was intended to be released in 2009. "Oooh, really, I am so on top of that", I just melted in my seat when I read it, I immediately started planning on getting one! I absolutely love the new Ford Mustang style that debuted in the 2005 model year. It was gorgeous, and of course, I immediately ran out to buy one! I couldn't let everyone else have all the fun! So, naturally, when I read that the new Challenger was going to release a convertible model, I started planning! Now, I have been a Mustang (or Pony) Girl since the day I could spell C..A..R.. but I was ready and willing to cheat on my beloved Mustang for this indisputable beauty.

Well, early October, it was released that they were NOT going to be releasing the convertible version... WHAT??? WTF???... How disheartening! I was so excited, and now, i am so sad... like Dodge single handedly sliced open my chest plate, slowly and methodically removed my heart, gently placed it on a table, and proceded to smash the life out of it with a rubber mallot! So Sad!

Apparently Dodge's market analysis has determined that there isn't enough demand for them, no market for a Throw-back muscle/sport car with a convertible top?! I'm sorry, but the Mustang seems to be doing ok? Am I wrong, it seems to me that everytime I am on the road I see a minimum of 5-6 Mustangs, 2-3 of which are convertibles. Frankly, the new Challenger seems to be a direct competitor with the redesigned Mustang, and if I am seeing a quarter to a third of Mustangs as convertibles, then logic would tell me that there is indeed a market for this.

But alas, you can't talk common sense into corporate big wigs, because of course they know it all, they do make millions of dollars each year of course, so they obviously think like an "average American", Duh! And becuase they wouldn't buy one, because they would rather be rolling around in their Hummers, Maseratis, or Bentleys, we can reasonable assume that the rest of the country, or world for that matter, would do the same!

Alas, Dodge, you have once again disappointed me, and apparently I am going to have to stick to my Sexy, Sleek, Fast & Furious Ford Mustang! Thanks for Nothing!!! I hope my beloved Mustang will forgive me for my lustful thoughts, I won't let it happen again!

:)
Ok... that's my rant for today, I feel much better!

PhotoSwap...my new addiction!

Who knew something as anonymous and random as blindly sharing photos with people around the world could be so fun? Obviously the people at Padadaz knew! The iPhone app called PhotoSwap is absolutely amazing! The amazing photos, some very artistic and creative (others not so much) that you receive are both exciting and intriguing.

Here's the basics of how it works: You take a photo, of anything really, and send it, you will then receive an absolutely random photo in return, at that point you can reply with a photo and the photo chain begins!

It is absolutely amazing some of the random pictures you will receive in response! Just today, I was sitting down enjoying an ice cold beer, and decided to take a photo and send it out. Amazingly, the person who received it, was also enjoying the same beer and replied back to my photo with a picture of the beer, which then warranted a photo of my entire six pack (minus the 2 I already drank) and so on, and so forth!

If you have time, and you want to spark up your creative side, check out PhotoSwap on the iPhone! You'll enjoy it! Who knows, perhaps we'll randomly swap photos one day!
:)
No rants today, just Good times!

Lonely Thoughts?

You ever think strange thoughts when you're lonely? I do, obviously, or why would I be writing a blog called lonely thoughts?

So, these thoughts, when I am lonely, I don't really mean sitting somewhere alone, with no one else around... of course, i mean the deep emotional heart aching longing for companionship kind of "lonely". When you want someone to want to be around you so much, that you don't even know how to think about anything else?

I do this all to often, unfortunately. It is not so much that I want to be in a "relationship", or want to have a "partner/spouse/boyfriend/etc", just that I want someone to want to be with me, around me, and/or all about me! I guess I just feel that there is a human desire, or need, to have mutual companionship and caring in one's life.

Obviously, there is some reason (or many) that I am not in a relationship, or have this type of full time companionship, and I guess some of that could be construed as my fault... I suppose, but really, being in a "bad relationship" is about the same as being in "no relationship' if not worse. So I have to deal with this one way or another... Pro's and Con's, I suppose. :(

So... Here are today's "lonely thoughts":

Do you suppose its true that there is "one" person out there for everyone? And if so, where are they? Who are they? and how are you supposed to know if you find them... what if you have already found them, and you look right past them and didn't even realize they were the "one"? Seriously, I mean, I don't think this is supposed to be this complicated? But it is!?!? I think? What if you find the "one", and realize that they weren't the one, does that mean that you're done? There are no more out there for you, sorry, had your chance... you lose! Game over?

I know everyone has had these thoughts at some point or another... or at least I hope so, maybe I am the only one, in which case, I feel like nut job right now, and i apologize for wasting your time on my silly antics!

But seriously, I suppose that it is just my emotions coming out for a joy ride today, or perhaps it is something deeper that stems from this longing desire for companionship in my life, but, then again, maybe I am just silly, and have no idea what the heck I am talking about, and should just shut up now!?!? OK.

Well, that's my rant!

:)

You'd Hit it!!!

What is the deal with men? OK... i am not going on the typical "men suck... blah blah blah...", I don't think they do at all, I happen to like men... very much in fact... but i digress; OK... So men have issues with women and their self conscious attitudes towards themselves, and how women are always "hard on themselves" etc, etc...

Here's the deal - In today's society women (most anyway) are self conscious creatures, we worry about our appearance and our size, how we look to men, if these pants really do make us look fat, and about a thousand other thoughts running through our heads all at once in order to feel presentable to the opposite sex... i.e. MEN!

Trust me, you want us this way, because if we didn't feel or act like this, we could all potentially turn out to be either raging bitches who think we are better than anyone... or obese disgusting slobs who could give a rats ass about our appearance because obviously "it doesn't matter"...

OK... so I am guilty of feeling this way, talking this way, and acting this way... I don't like my body, I always feel fat, unattractive and very unwanted... and honestly cannot fathom why someone would even waste their time on me, talking, hitting on, or otherwise?!?! But... Why wouldn't I? I mean really, we try to think positively and feel good about ourselves, yet every other word out of a guys mouth is "Damn... she's hot" or "Oh, that girl looks good!!!"... but they are not talking about me... NO... they are talking TO me, about someone else... whom I feel I am in no comparison and cannot even come close to "keeping up with".

So, here is the dilemma, You (men) want us to stop being so self-conscious, hard on ourselves or otherwise, yet You do not give us any reason to... you are talking about other women's bodies, and how "you'd hit it!" but in no way, shape, or form have given us a reason to feel better about our own... What to do?

Honestly, I would probably feel better about myself if someone just complimented me... truly... just because... not to get in my pants, but just because! All a girl wants is a little attention!

OK... that's my rant for today!!! :)

Good samaritan!

OK... so i was driving to work this morning, and while i was running a bit late, i see this guy on the side of the road with a big ass jalopy of a truck pulling a u-haul trailer, and the guy is holding out a pair of jumper cables, obviously to say he needs a jump... and here i am driving with about 500 other cars... all of which are passing him like he is invisible and possibly like he has the plague! So... being that I am into what i believe is Kharma... not as the religious aspect... but the principle of it. So i stop my car, turn it around pull up the front of the car, so that he can jump his jalopy!

So this guy... comes up to my window, with a gracious look on his face and proceeds to thank me... when i realized that it was "Sunny" a really sweet old friend of mine from when i bartended! what are the chances? Sunny proceeds to thank me, then yell at me for stopping in the middle of nowhere to help a guy and his 2 friends jump their car, when i didn't know them, (or atleast thought i didn't), and how that wasn't safe!

So, it got me thinking? I stopped yes, and maybe it wasn't smart, but i did it anyway, because I would want someone to do it for me! And besides... i wouldn't have had to stop is one of the other 500 assholes on the road, half of which were guys... and half of whom were probably twice my size and capable of taking the 5-7 minutes out of their day to help another person! Why? Why are we as citizens so quick to judge others? Granted... that is probably what i am doing right now... but i digress... Why can't we just be humane? I mean, seriously, thats part of being human right... and I guaranteed you... the people who don't stop... or refuse to stop are the ones bitching and crying when they are stuck in a shitty situation and complaining that people suck and that they are inhumane... when they themselves probably deserved it! its called Kharma... deal with it! and if you don't believe in Kharma... then... What goes around comes around... the golden rule... and eye for an eye... etc...

Thats my rant!
:)

Necessary Roughness!

OK... so this is an article from Maxim, and I loved it so much, i started my own Blog page... and had to post this... hope you find it as on point as i did! and if you did... maybe you should be calling me... LOL... Well, hope it helps some of the Pansy guys out there... and I hope it helps you women realize that there are others out there just like YOU!!!

Necessary Roughness!
Recently, a girlfriend was telling me about the best sex of her life. Did her story involve a roaring fire and strawberries soaked in champagne? Hours of foreplay with her boyfriend lightly kissing her kneecaps while Josh Groban played in the background? Not exactly. Instead, it went something like this: After heavy flirtations at a party, she and her guy had just walked through the doorway of her apartment when he suddenly grabbed her from behind and told her how hot she was. Bending her over a hall table, he hiked up her miniskirt, yanked her panties down, and went at her. It was feverish, gruff, dirty—and a huge turn-on. She said it only took five minutes before they both collapsed in a satisfied heap on the floor. Based on my own experiences, I can’t say I was surprised. And in talking with other women, I’ve recognized a trend. For years men have been conditioned by bullshit gurus like Dr. Phil and books like The Sensitive Guy’s Guide to Sensitive Love to get in touch with their gentler, more romantic side in the bedroom—or, more accurately, to get in touch with ours. But somewhere along the way (maybe around the same time men started showing up at our salons for biweekly waxes), attentive sex morphed into...wimpy sex. Last February one Seattle woman got so fed up with all the sexual kowtowing that she resorted to posting an angry rant on Craigslist that was picked up by dozens of blogs and viewed by thousands. The title: “Just fucking fuck me, already.” A sample line: “We’ve been kissing for a half-hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get on top of me.”The ultimate truth:Every now and then, what women want in bed is for our men to be men. That is, rather than spending five minutes breathing on our earlobes, waiting for us to guide your mouth elsewhere, be decisive; take control. Of course, there’s a way to be aggressive that’s incredibly sexy and a way to do it that’s creepy and terrifying. In the name of bringing maximum pleasure to her and minimum jail time to you, I’m going to teach you the sexy way—with the help of an army of women all clamoring for a return of the manly man.What’s Love Got to Do With It? The first thing to understand about rough sex is that it isn’t really rough; it’s passionate. The subtext is that we’re so unbelievably sexy that you have to take us however, whenever, and wher­ever you want. After all, the hottest sex is rarely sweet—it’s primal and animalistic. And while romance certainly has its place in the bedroom, elaborate stabs at it can sometimes come off as strained or even silly. “After a day of exchanging dirty e-mails, my boyfriend called to tell me he couldn’t wait for me to get home that night,” says Carly*, a 28-year-old grant writer. “I expected him to attack me the second I walked through the door, but instead I found him waiting in the bedroom with about 30 candles lit. He handed me a glass of wine—rosé, no less—and then proceeded to strum his guitar and sing a song he’d written for me. I prayed I was having some kind of waking nightmare, but no. It was real.” Even when it comes to what you ask of us in the bedroom, we secretly hope your base desire is for the fast and furious over the slow and soft. “I once asked my boyfriend what his favorite thing was that I did sexually,” says Audrey, a 27-year-old copy editor. “He said, ‘I love the way you hold me.’ He might as well have tucked his junk between his legs while he was saying it.”When it comes to turning her on, sometimes a display of raw aggression can go much further than gauzy romance. “It’s my boyfriend’s attitude during rougher sex that turns me on the most,” says Charlotte, a 31-year-old fashion buyer. “He’s more demanding, he flips me around in different positions, he talks dirty. The whole thing is so different from his usual sweet demeanor that I love it.” As with borscht-belt humor, the key here is all in the delivery. When tossing your girl around like she’s a rag doll, don’t ask permission. “Turn over so I can look at your ass while we do it” is a far cry from “Honeybear, would you mind turning on your tummy so we can do it from behind, please?” But don’t try taking the same liberties outside the sexual arena. Suddenly bossing your woman around the Piggly Wiggly won’t win you any points when you get home.

Take It to the LimitHow much bullying you can do in the bedroom depends on how much she trusts you. (Right off the bat, that means rough stuff is best suited to couples—not drunken strangers in the bathroom at a wedding reception. Got it?) Before moving straight to bareknuckle boxing, it’s best to test the physical waters with a few lighter moves, like spanking and hair-pulling. Lisa, a 28-year-old yoga teacher, says she likes having her ass smacked “not so hard that it leaves a handprint, but hard enough that it stings a little.” The worst possible offense? A light, apologetic pat. “I once had a guy tap my ass cheek like he was absent-mindedly keeping the beat to a song on his steering wheel,” says Marlene, a 26-year-old engineer. “If you’re gonna do it, for the love of God, go for it.”Similarly, most women said a nice, firm tug on their hair drove them wild instantly. “My boyfriend does it when I’m giving him head or when he’s doing me from behind,” says Jess, a 29-year-old bartender. “It makes me feel like a porn star.” One caveat: It’s best to pull closer to the base of her head than to yank at the ends of her hair—tears of pain are not the goal. Most women said they loved when a guy did whatever he could to get to them—and into them—as quickly as possible. That means not taking the time to seductively undo every last button on her blouse. Instead, screw like zombies have taken over the planet and you two are humankind’s last chance for survival. Yank things up, pull them down—and if you hit any roadblocks, just go right through. “There’s nothing that kills a mood faster than having a guy struggle to get my pants off, apologizing and giggling like a seventh grader,” says Alicia, a 30-year-old photographer. “Just pull my bra down, don’t even bother taking it off. Push my panties aside. It’s kind of awesome having sex with some clothes on—except for socks.” And when you get to the penetration part, don’t be precious about it. The manly move that was almost universally cited as the biggest turn-on was a rigorous jackhammering. “I need to just be grabbed and fucked really hard to get off,” says Katie, a 26-year-old pharmaceutical rep. “Some girls like gentle lovemaking, where the guy enters really slowly and moves rhythmically, but it’s not for me.” Joanna, a 27-year-old banker, agrees: “I enjoy foreplay, but if I’m really horny, it can actually be distracting.” Once in a while, we all like an old-fashioned pounding, where you’re moving at speeds usually reserved for German porn. But if she lets out any version of “ow” instead of “oh,” make sure she’s OK. Remember, you’re in your bedroom, not Herr Dieter’s House of Pain. Game Over Warning! There are a couple of moves that can bring an intense, no-holds-barred encounter to a screeching halt. Under no circumstances during rough sex may you “surprise” her by suddenly coming in through the back door. And when it comes to bondage, anything beyond tying her hands to the headboard with a scarf could be construed as hostage-taking. Lastly, asphyxiation is a huge no-no—unless manslaughter is also on your agenda. With the exception of those off-limits acts, the bedroom is your castle, and you’re the king. So it’s time to man up. Watch Burt Reynolds movies. Stop plucking your eyebrows. Do what­ever it takes to remind yourself that women are drawn to all the things that make you different from us—your animal strength, your mono­syllabic grunting, your charming caveman-ness. If you want us, just take off our skirts—and yours—and go for it!